my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
