Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
