I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
