Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
