if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
