one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
