I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
