im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Randomize
