Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
