I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
