How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I AM VODKA MAN
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
