We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
