She said her name was "party"
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I have aggressive nipples.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
