my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
