Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
