you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
