So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
