he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
