You can't special order awesome
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
