So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
