the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
