I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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