I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
