I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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