Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
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