you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
