There is no way he is gay with that hair.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
