I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
