Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
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woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
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I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is