Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.