he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.