I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
23 Insane Reasons People Got Fired
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.