Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.