did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself