Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
