At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
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