oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
