Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
