yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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