just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
