You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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