Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
