My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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