Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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