Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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