I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Randomize
