i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
