I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
