My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
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Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
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You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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