You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
