my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
