she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
