I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
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We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
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yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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