I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I want her autograph on my taint
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
