I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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