piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Screwed.edu
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
