ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
