That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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