In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Text me some of your sweat
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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