fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
