my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
