I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I just saw a hot homeless man
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
