:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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