Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
