did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
