went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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