im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
