he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
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Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
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Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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