I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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