Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
