Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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