i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I lost the right to judge tonight
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
