Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
