dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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