She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
