having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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